As I reflected on my journey since discovering, in my mid-thirties, that I’m autistic, I realised it has taken lots of unlearning, relearning and self-discovery. It’s been emotional and it’s only the start. Here are just a few of the things I’ve learnt so far:
Learning a whole new vocabulary
Alexithymia, interoception, executive function, echolalia to name a few. Having new words to explain many parts of how I experience the world has been powerful when it comes to understanding myself and being able to advocate for my needs.
It isn’t just me
I always felt really alone and like no one else would possibly understand me or the way I was feeling. I’m not broken. I was just trying to fit into a mould that I wasn’t made for, and a world that was designed with only the majority in mind. I may be in a minority but I’m certainly not alone.
Finding community has been amazing
Possibly the best thing about identification and talking about my autism has been meeting other autistic and otherwise neurodivergent folk. Be that online, in person, via work or in peer support groups, meeting other people who just ‘get it’ and being able to share our experiences has opened up a sense of community I’ve never felt before.
It’s hard to access support and the world sadly isn’t very autism friendly
While autistic identification has been a brilliant thing for me personally, it’s been tough to come to terms with the fact that a lot of the world doesn’t see it in a positive light. There are lots of negative stereotypes and a tonne of misinformation out there and the sad reality is that often the world doesn’t feel very safe. But that has also triggered my autistic drive for justice (bizarrely something that is often pathologised) and set a fire in me to do something about that. To speak up. To challenge the narrative and hopefully make at least a tiny bit of a positive change.
Relearning a lot about myself
Viewing my past through a new lens has been hard at times and there are lots of things I’ve had to work through. I’ve also had to readjust my plans for the future and recreate my life in a way that suits me and my needs. That is still a work in progress but I feel much better equipped now as I understand myself better.
Being kind to myself
It’s sad to say but I don’t think I ever liked myself before and I certainly haven’t treated myself kindly over the years. It’s still a learning path but I finally can say that I’m comfortable in my own skin and have been giving myself grace and treating myself with kindness.
Finding a new special interest
Autism and neurodivergence has definitely become a special interest of mine. Which probably isn’t that surprising considering I’ve got lots to catch up on. I’ve dived fully into finding out everything I can on the subject, which again will hopefully set me up to better be able to challenge the stereotypes and negative narrative.