Things I’m scared of happening when I talk about being autistic:
- I’m scared of being misunderstood. Of not being believed. Of being dismissed and made to feel bad for who I fundamentally am.
- I’m scared of people’s ignorance and lack of any inclination to actually understand me.
- I’m scared of being thought less of. Of being judged and found lacking.
- I’m scared of my rights and freedoms being taken away.
- I’m scared of my abilities as a mother being brought into question.
- I’m scared of the exhaustion that comes after just trying to explain myself and the impact that has on my mental and physical health.
- I’m scared of being invalidated and told that the things I struggle with can’t really be that bad.
- I’m scared of hearing the same old ignorant responses.
- I’m scared of being watched more closely, of people waiting for me to trip up somehow.
- I’m scared of people walking away.
- I’m scared of people staying around but treating me poorly.
- I’m scared of all of these things breaking my already barely existent self-esteem.
Things I’m scared of happening if I don’t talk about being autistic:
- I’m scared of nothing ever changing.
- I’m scared of my child growing up in a world that is unaccepting and riddled with misinformation and prejudice.
- I’m scared of never getting the support that I need and have a right to.
- I’m scared of never truly being able to be myself.
- I’m scared of missing out on a world where I can be happy.
- I’m scared of dying early.